chuck norris? lol

[illfusion]

was bored so this is what i came up with.... up sure its worth a couple laughs


+ Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

+It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

+Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths

+Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

+Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull

+To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

+Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

+Every morning Chuck starts his day off by roundhouse kicking 14 small children. Why 14? 14 is not only Chuck's favorite number, but it is also the number of times Chuck has had sex with your mother

+Chuck Norris becomes infuriated when he sees men cry or frown. Recently, he has been spotted at funerals, roundhousing grieving men in the face until their mouth is fixed in a cold, emotionless position. Chuck Norris is a real man, and real men do not react to life.

+One time in an airport a guy accidently called Chuck Norris "Chick Norris". He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. Chuck accepted his apology and politley signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a bearded baby. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself

+Someone once approached Chuck Norris suggesting that rearranging the letters in his name reveals the message "I churn corks". He then brutally murdered them saying "They knew too much".

+Chuck Norris devised his own STD. On top of that, he doesnt tell women about it until after he punches them in the throat

+Chuck Norris used to be a character in Clue. They had to take him out because the answer was always the same: Chuck Norris, in the library, with the roundhouse kick.

+Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure

+In 1979, Chuck Norris swallowed a woman's uterus whole. Later that year he gave birth to Vin Diesel.

+Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

+Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.

+Chuck Norris invented water.

+Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that day.

+If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death



OMG im sorry it might be me but i cracked up when i heard some of these. 
Fucking chuck norris lol

[atamanch]

Chuck Norris can believe its not butter.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

www.chucknorrisfacts.com

[illfusion]

lol